#17 Tough Conversations

Many of us put off having that tough conversation, as we visualise it not going well. Even the term “tough conversations” primes us to expect difficulties and potential pitfalls. 
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The knock-on effect of not having open and honest conversations can be seen in poor performance, dysfunctional teams and a lack of employee engagement. The following five steps keep you focused and effective in providing vital feedback that needs to be heard.

1. Start with the Replacement Picture.
The replacement picture is the visualisation of what success looks like. What is the desired behaviour, the attitudes and habits that you want to see in your direct report? By starting with the replacement picture, you create a goal for them to move toward. The goal gives them the opportunity to make things right and take ownership of the solution.
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2. What is the Current Pattern of Behaviour?
Based on your observations, describe the pattern of behaviour that you have seen. Stay focused on the specific behaviour that is getting in the way. In your tone, you want to be factual but not accusatory. You are not asking them to defend the behaviour, you’re asking them to change it.

3. What is the Impact of the Behaviour?
How is the behaviour impacting you and the team? This is an important part, as it provides specific context that your team member might not be aware of. They might think their behaviour is not that bad. However, when you let them know that the impact it has on you is losing trust, that will create a stronger desire to correct the situation.

4. Reinforce the Replacement Picture.
Now that they understand the behaviour and the impact, you want to bring them back to the desired behaviour, the replacement picture. Having this clear picture to move toward, as well as the context for why the change needs to happen, creates clarity of expectations and accountability.

5. Commitment to Grow
This final step is critical. The primary goal of this conversation is growth in your team member. You need to close the conversation with a commitment from your team member to act. Ask for at least one specific action that they are going to stop or start, to ensure that they are moving toward the replacement picture. In addition, agree on a timeline to be back on track.

Following these five steps will Energise Action in your team member to correct their path and move toward the desired replacement picture. It’s a win-win-win: They grow, the team grows, and the example causes the organisation to excel.